Boy or Girl — Will we find out?

10 Aug

One of the most frequent questions I hear is, “Are you going to find out if it’s a boy or girl?”  As a matter of fact, I’ve had several people email me recently asking that very question and my solution to answer it for everyone at once is to answer it here. 

If you know me very well, you probably know that I’m not a fan of surprises.  Sure, I don’t mind the come-home-and-find-the-house-spotless surprise.  Or the server-went-down-at-3:00-at-work-everyone-go-home surprise.  What I don’t like is the surprise that catches me completely unprepared…and even more so…completely on the spot.  Jarrod thinks I’m a party-pooper because of this.  I just tell him that I’m much happier and content when I’m informed.

So, what to do about this gender seeking question?  I can see the perks to both knowing and not knowing.  However, Jarrod is on a definitely-do-not-want-to-know basis.  He told me that if I choose to find out, that’s totally fine…my prerogative.  But he doesn’t want to know. 

If there’s one thing I do know, it’s that me knowing and Jarrod not knowing is going to be very difficult on me.  I’m sure I’ll want to shop, pick out names, picture his or her face…etc.  But far more important for me, and why I decided I really dowant to find out is the connection that I’ll be able to continue to establish and grow with the baby inside of me.  I feel occasional flutters in there…feels like a muscle twitch that you might have in your calf or in your hand.  But it’s fairly consistent, shows up when I do certain things, and feels exactly the same each time.  I can see how this is an extremely exciting time for moms-to-be…but honestly, at the same time it kind of freaks me out!  This little thing is living inside of me…yes…living inside of me.  Everything I do affects this life.  Every choice I make, every bite I eat, every drop I drink affects the life that is now fluttering inside of me.  That’s a lot of pressure! 

Jarrod and I had a conversation the other day about how I couldn’t wait for fall.  Then I said, “I take that back, I can’t wait for Christmas, then I’ll be almost done being pregnant and we’ll be close to having our baby!”  He responded, “That’s the first time I’ve heard you be really excited about all of this!”  I thought about that for a second.  It seemed a harsh judgment at first, but then I realized from his point of view, I could understand how that might be the case. 

Here’s how I explained it to him.  I started counting on fingers…September, October, November, December, January…”That’s 5 fingers more that I will be pregnant!”  If I didn’t have random spouts of vomiting, headaches that Tylenol won’tcure, and an incredibly difficult time sleeping each night…those 5 fingers wouldn’t be so ominous.  I keep hearing that after the first trimester things let up.  In some cases they have, but in others they surely haven’t.  From Jarrod’s point of view, he sees the Annie that abruptly heads for the bathroom because she ate something disagreeable, the Annie goes to bed as early as possible, and the Annie that has to fight off headaches and poison ivy with Tylenol!  (Benadryl was okay as well…thank God!)  Fortunately, Jarrod has been an extremely solid support system, never making me feel bad about feeling…well, bad.  But I could see how he could hold this viewpoint.

Really, getting back to why this baby inside of me needs a gender in my mind, I need to connect more with this baby as our son or daughter, our little boy or our baby girl.  Much like when I heard the heartbeat, there was a wave of reality that swept over me.  I am confident that finding out the gender will be a tsunami, and one that I will welcome with open arms. 

So how am I going to do it?  How will I find out whether or not we will be having a son or daughter and honor Jarrod’s wishes to find out on that day?  Here’s how and I’m afraid you may not like it.  I’m going to find out…and I’m not going to tell a soul.  We agreed that if I did find out and I did tell others, there would be a huge temptation to “I’ll tell you but you have to promise not to tell anyone else…”  Worst case scenario is that Jarrod randomly and even innocently finds out that it’s a boy or girl from some random person.  If the secret is to be spoiled, I will do the spoiling.  I’ve told several people our plan and surprisingly received less than supporting opinions on the matter.  I guess folks just think  I can’t do it.  But, if you’re in the category of people that knows me well enough to know I don’t particularly enjoy surprises…you probably also know that doubt can be my greatest motivation.  I’m sure it will be hard, but I think I’m up to the task. 

One way or another…we find out Thursday.  So what do you think…boy or girl??


6 Responses to “Boy or Girl — Will we find out?”

  1. Jane August 10, 2009 at 5:52 PM #

    Oh honey are you in for it!!! Be very very careful! It WILL slip.

    The time for relaxing and enjoying your pregnancy is NOW.
    I love you and can’t wait to meet your boy.

  2. ginny August 10, 2009 at 6:21 PM #

    This grandma-to-be doesn’t care as long as the baby is healthy. Some day I do hope I get to shop for dresses but you also know how much I love baseball!

  3. Kathy August 10, 2009 at 8:19 PM #

    Whoa Annie! This one came as a big surprise. And I think you are amazing for this decision because it will be such a joy that will be between just you and the baby, since you will be the one talking and singing to it all the time. And if any one can do it, I sincerely believe that YOU can. And it is so wonderful that you are honoring Jarrods wishes by letting him go through this his way and letting him enjoy the doctor telling him at the moment of birth what it is…….. Good Luck and double lock it in the vault! (I guess we ALL know that I wouldn’t be able to do it, right. And stay away from me at the Christmas party, ok 😉 Love Ya

  4. Ellie August 11, 2009 at 3:45 PM #


    I just have a feeling that you are having a girl. I don’t know why, it is just a feeling. Either way, all I care about is that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

  5. Beth August 13, 2009 at 10:50 AM #

    Sooexciting…I am a planner like you. I most certainly found out with CeCe! I’m hoping for a little girl for you guys…our family could use more girls around. BUT boys are great too! Hope your feeling better!

  6. Katie August 15, 2009 at 8:54 AM #

    I totally think you’re having a boy! Regardless of that, he or she will have the two most completely amazing people to guide him or her through anything and everything.

    From my experience, anything about babies is VERY hard to keep a secret. I think someting shows in your face, beyond your control that seems to make things a dead giveaway, even to those with no experience.

    You will look back on that whole pregnancy, (believe it or not) and cherish it. You’ll see only the exciting fact that you were already a mom for the most crucial part of your baby’s life… that first 9 months. And Jarrod a dad, by being so supportive of you. I’m really happy and proud to call the both of you friends.

    Hang in there!!!!!

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