Breaking Up is Hard to Do

25 Mar

No, it’s not what you think.

However, the Frey family has been going through a break-up in a long time relationship.  As we all know already, the economy sucks.  There isn’t anyone at this point that hasn’t been directly affected by the dire financial situation our country is facing.  If you have a job, you’re lucky to keep it.  If you have a stable income, you’re lucky if it doesn’t get cut.  If you’re trying to get a job, you’re lucky if you can just get the interview.  It’s bad out there and I’m confident I’m not telling anyone anything they don’t already know.

I heard on the radio sometime in the last 6 months that my generation is being called the “jobless generation.”  Foolishly, we all thought, “Graduate college…get a job.”  As in, employers will be lining up to give you a bi-weekly pay check as long as you have an 8×10 frame to hang your college diploma in your new corner office.

Not happening.

After graduation, I was fortunate enough to turn an internship into a paying gig.  It wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.  My modest paycheck wasn’t what I thought that diploma was going to get me, and at the same time, I looked around at my friends and they weren’t getting jobs at all.  And definitely not for a lack of trying either.  There weren’t any jobs.  No one was hiring, and if they were, the pool of candidates was so deep that it was nearly impossible to land a solid job with a paycheck that placed you on top of the poverty line.

J had the same luck as the rest of the thousands of graduates flooding the work force had.  After a lot of deliberation and a lot of heartache from being on the job hunt, J decided to return to school to become a teacher.  The job stability in the field of education (even under the current hardships its experiencing) is light years ahead of the communications field.

What do you call a college graduate holding a Mass Communications diploma?  Unemployed.

So, Jarrod hit the books, again, in January 2009.  With the right amount of cramming and a jam-packed class schedule, Jarrod could be certified to teach middle and high school within 2 years.  In order to do this though, Jarrod was going to have to quit Sears where he was working part-time.

Then, we find out Charlie is on his way in May.

Did you know that kids aren’t cheap?  Sarcasm noted.  One income was going to be bare bones living, without allowing for any surprises or mishaps.  So, after a lot of deliberation, we decided that moving in with J’s parents would allow us to best provide for Charlie.  J could focus on school without having to stress about taking a full load of classes and working every night at some part-time job.  And I wouldn’t have to stress about child care because J’s class schedule would allow him to be home at least 3 days during the week while attending night classes.

So what does this all have to do with a break up?

We listed our house on Tuesday, and I’m now writing this from our new home in J’s parents basement.  We are so grateful to have the opportunity that Mom and Dad Frey have given us.  It’s incredibly generous of them to open their home to two 20-somethings and a sometimes-screaming baby.  Surely, they have no obligation to do so, but they do have the heart.  We are blessed.

However, knowing that this was going to happen even 6 months out, I had no idea how truly difficult this move was going to be for me.  And the issue isn’t where we’re headed, it’s where we’ve been.  I’m not leaving a house, I’m leaving a home.  We painted the walls, we finished the floors.  We renovated nearly every square inch of that house and put our souls into making it happen with our own hands, and the hands of many that we love dearly.

And it’s not just what we did to the house, it’s what we did in the house.  It was our first house.  The house we shared our first Christmas together as a married couple and the house we brought friends together for good drinks and great times.  It was the house we fought with each other in and the house we made up in.  It was the house we brought Charlie home to.  It wasn’t a house.  It was our home.

All these thoughts have cycled through my head time after time.  While packing, I’d find myself overcome with emotion and with tears streaming from my eyes.  I’m not a crier either.  J has been wrought with the task of managing me and my emotions.  Poor J. He keeps asking me what he can do to make it better and how to make me feel better.  I couldn’t put my finger on how to explain it to him until the other day.

You know how you feel when you break up with some one you loved or when some one you love breaks up with you?  That’s how I feel.  I feel like a part of my heart will always be baking in that kitchen, curled up on the couch with the dogs and the baby in the living room, playing games with friends at the dining room table, and laying beside my husband in the bedroom.  Part of my heart will always reside at 20 Meyer in the little town of Hamel.  I keep thinking about all the memories and my heart aches.

I suppose what I should be focusing on now is not what’s in the past, but what’s in my future.  I know that what we’re doing is the best thing for my family, and that is really, and I mean really, all that matters at the end of the day.  Holding on to the wonderful memories in the past surely doesn’t mean I can’t count on many wonderful memories still to come.  As Carrie Underwood said, “This is my temporary home.”  And aren’t they all?  It’s time to look to the future, be thankful the great gifts and great family that I have in my life, and in time, get back out there and catch one of those other proverbial “fish in the sea.”

Good bye 20 Meyer.  Love and miss you.


2 Responses to “Breaking Up is Hard to Do”

  1. Jane March 25, 2010 at 3:44 PM #

    Mark and I have lived in 5 different locations since we got married in 1984. The list includes a townhouse, 2homes, an apartment from *#$($& and the home we live in now. Our first two children were born at 1056 Riverwood Place Dr and the last two were born at 2275 Birchview. Each time we moved it was for the betterment of our family and it was hard leaving those memories behind. However, the hardest move for everyone was moving away from Nana and Papa even though we only moved 30 minutes away.

    Would I do it over again, yes because it was the best thing for our kids education. Does it still hurt, yes for more reason than I can even list. Yet the bottom line is home is where ever we can come together as a family and enjoy each others company. Its a place where we feel safe as well as loved. Every year we are faced with changes in our lives, some of them we are comfortable while others are hard to stomach but the bottom line is we try to make the best choices we can for our family.

    The bottom line is that you will always have your memories of important people and places in your lives and no one can take those away from you. You will also always have your family whether you are all under one roof or not cause home is where you are all together safe and loved, be it 20 Meyer, Grandma and Grandpa Frey’s, Grandma and Grandpa Ratherts or in a new home on the farm.

    God bless all of you.


  1. My Temporary Home « Common Composure - May 11, 2010

    […] "permalink" : "" } If you read this, you know about J and my current living situation.  So, over this Mother’s Day weekend, J […]

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